We live in a world where people aren't dating anymore. When was the last time you went on a date with your significant other? Dating is so important so you can get to know the person you will marry or did marry. So many couples are still getting to know the person they married even if it is has been several years. So how long should you date someone? How do you know that you are marrying someone that you should especially if you will still be getting to know someone years down the line?
There is a process of selecting people that potential could be marriage quality. One is being able to meet them. There are an innumerable amount of people on this earth. Not all will be people you actually meet. Second is physical appearance. It is the first thing you see and even though we would like to say that physical appearance doesn't matter, it does. Maybe we won't be attracted at first but there has to be some attraction. There will also be personal traits that will help you grow to love someone.
There are so many myths out there about love and finding your companion. The first that their exist one person out there for you. This is ridiculous and just a highly romanticized. There are potentially several people you could be compatible with.
The next highly concerning myths is that emotions equal love. We have all thought. I love this person because I feel so happy and I long to be with that person. But is that love? Will a marriage last if that is the only thing you base your relationship off? Sadly some do. The media very much focuses on this kind of love. I am not saying this passionate blind love doesn't serve a purpose. It does and can help a blooming relationship as you overlook all of the weakness of that person. I just know the feelings will die and then you will have to make a choice. Real love is choosing your partner everyday and supporting them despite weakness or flaws. So you most definitely should not go into a marriage on just emotions. Your marriage will probably become very difficult. The success of a marriage is largely defined by how well you work together.
Another concern about emotions and the high from attraction is that some people may have misattribution of arousal. We can feel similar emotions that are equated to attraction through activities that increase heart rate like exercise, scary movies, and roller coasters. How do you know then?
When you chose to love your partner and commit. You know when you work well together and have plans for you future. You care more about your companion then yourself. It isn't about instant gratification that you may feel when they compliment or make you feel special. You have a healthy attachment which includes knowing about each other trusting each other, relying on each other, committing to each other, and touch with respect to the other.
Friday, May 27, 2016
Saturday, May 21, 2016
Gender and the family
Gender is an essential part of who we are. In the culture we live in, gender has become harder to define. What makes you a male or a female? Some would argue it is your biological sex and others would say it is where you fit socially. This could conflict with gender and biological sex.
Why do some individuals have same sex attraction and others don't?
Many would proclaim that they were born this way. This statement is popular and politically correct, but it is not scientifically shown to be that way. There have been studies showing that genetics only make up a small portion of a person influence to have same sex attraction. They perform these studies with identical twins. One study in Australia showed there was an 11 percent influence with genetics. We don't know how much same sex attraction is influenced by genetics but what we do know is you aren't just born that way. There are other environmental and social factors.
These factors come from the environment of a family. Studies have shown those with same sex attraction experienced sexual intimacy sooner, rejection from peers, and were very father hungry. Only two percent of the US population are considered homosexual.
In recent news peditricians placed a statement that causing a child to choose their gender and then place them on hormone injections is consider child abuse. http://www.acpeds.org/the-college-speaks/position-statements/gender-ideology-harms-children
There is an ever tolerant society concerning same sex attraction if you are for it. Many who suffer with same sex attraction and would like to overcome are not allowed to have that help. This is ridiculuous and stops that individuals choice. Counseling and therapy research should be allowed for those who want that service. There is much in the media that distorts and fails to tell the truth. If only their nose grew everytime they lied then we would know what to believe. There is research out there and would like to invite you to check out Daryl Ben on what causes us to be attracted. His theory is exoctic becomes erotic.
Why do some individuals have same sex attraction and others don't?
Many would proclaim that they were born this way. This statement is popular and politically correct, but it is not scientifically shown to be that way. There have been studies showing that genetics only make up a small portion of a person influence to have same sex attraction. They perform these studies with identical twins. One study in Australia showed there was an 11 percent influence with genetics. We don't know how much same sex attraction is influenced by genetics but what we do know is you aren't just born that way. There are other environmental and social factors.
These factors come from the environment of a family. Studies have shown those with same sex attraction experienced sexual intimacy sooner, rejection from peers, and were very father hungry. Only two percent of the US population are considered homosexual.
In recent news peditricians placed a statement that causing a child to choose their gender and then place them on hormone injections is consider child abuse. http://www.acpeds.org/the-college-speaks/position-statements/gender-ideology-harms-children
There is an ever tolerant society concerning same sex attraction if you are for it. Many who suffer with same sex attraction and would like to overcome are not allowed to have that help. This is ridiculuous and stops that individuals choice. Counseling and therapy research should be allowed for those who want that service. There is much in the media that distorts and fails to tell the truth. If only their nose grew everytime they lied then we would know what to believe. There is research out there and would like to invite you to check out Daryl Ben on what causes us to be attracted. His theory is exoctic becomes erotic.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Family Culture
What is culture? Are all cultures valid? How does this relate to the family?
These are all questions that I hope to answer with this blog post. I have thought about Culture most recently and how it impacts my life. Culture is the compilation of symbols, beliefs, languages, values, and artifacts. These specific aspects make up our culture and influence how we perceive the world.
Every single person sees the world individual and their own. While I served as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ, I had a companion that I worked with that we didn't get along. We fought and caused problems. It is because we had a different culture which affected how we perceived the world and each other. I would try to show love in how I knew but to her it translated to a hateful action. This doesn't mean we lived from very distant countries from each other. We actually lived just on opposite sides of the country.
Does that mean one of our cultures was not valid? No. In this instance it was belief of what certain actions mean. What makes a culture valid, it is valid when it contains truth and a positive effect on the population. All cultures has aspects that are not valid even here in the US.
How does this relate to family? This relates to family because within a family, there is an individual culture. I thought about this concept tremendously as I am soon to be married and blend two families. We both come from two different family cultures. His family never worried too much about money. They were in no wise rich but well taken care of. My family on the other hand were always scrambling. I remember worrying about money at a young age. These incidents have an impact on how we both spend our money. He sees that families go out to eat a lot and spend more time together. I on the other hand witnessed less family time and eating out. He participated in family dinner while I did not. We were both parented very differently. It sounds like we don't even belong together when described like this. We come from different backgrounds and cultures but we have some similarities and when we are married we get to create our own culture. We can take from each of our families those things we want to incorporate and ignore those that might not be valid.
Family culture can and will change as circumstance or needs arise. I gained an increased sympathy for the Mexican population that come to America illegally. The article The costs of getting ahead: Mexican family system changes after immigration by Martica L. Bacallao and Paul R. Smokowski talks about why they come and the challenges. I have always thought the Mexican people should stay and build their own country. What is it about America that they have to come? I learned how much they love their children and value their progression. They want to get them ahead by learning English, other skills, and having the opportunity for a good college education. They aren't leaving to become rich. They usually have many challenges getting here and living in America. So many would say is it really worth it? Those that cross the border illegally would say yes. Mexicans who can speak basic English can triple their income. They want their children to get ahead, and not themselves. Their family cultures shifts and becomes different from that in Mexico. Both parents will work and teenagers will work as well. While in Mexico only the father usually works. They have a traditional family structure and culture. The father usually goes ahead of the family. There is a distance from the father and his children for years. This distance doesn't change when they are all in America. The mother becomes the head of household with the absences of the father. Family culture and structure can change. This reminds me of people in abusive homes. There is hope because you can change it.
Nothing is definite. Family can be exactly the way you want it. It may require time and effort. Whether it is getting out of that abusive relationship, making family dinner a priority, better disciplining of children, or having better communication.
These are all questions that I hope to answer with this blog post. I have thought about Culture most recently and how it impacts my life. Culture is the compilation of symbols, beliefs, languages, values, and artifacts. These specific aspects make up our culture and influence how we perceive the world.
Every single person sees the world individual and their own. While I served as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ, I had a companion that I worked with that we didn't get along. We fought and caused problems. It is because we had a different culture which affected how we perceived the world and each other. I would try to show love in how I knew but to her it translated to a hateful action. This doesn't mean we lived from very distant countries from each other. We actually lived just on opposite sides of the country.
Does that mean one of our cultures was not valid? No. In this instance it was belief of what certain actions mean. What makes a culture valid, it is valid when it contains truth and a positive effect on the population. All cultures has aspects that are not valid even here in the US.
How does this relate to family? This relates to family because within a family, there is an individual culture. I thought about this concept tremendously as I am soon to be married and blend two families. We both come from two different family cultures. His family never worried too much about money. They were in no wise rich but well taken care of. My family on the other hand were always scrambling. I remember worrying about money at a young age. These incidents have an impact on how we both spend our money. He sees that families go out to eat a lot and spend more time together. I on the other hand witnessed less family time and eating out. He participated in family dinner while I did not. We were both parented very differently. It sounds like we don't even belong together when described like this. We come from different backgrounds and cultures but we have some similarities and when we are married we get to create our own culture. We can take from each of our families those things we want to incorporate and ignore those that might not be valid.
Family culture can and will change as circumstance or needs arise. I gained an increased sympathy for the Mexican population that come to America illegally. The article The costs of getting ahead: Mexican family system changes after immigration by Martica L. Bacallao and Paul R. Smokowski talks about why they come and the challenges. I have always thought the Mexican people should stay and build their own country. What is it about America that they have to come? I learned how much they love their children and value their progression. They want to get them ahead by learning English, other skills, and having the opportunity for a good college education. They aren't leaving to become rich. They usually have many challenges getting here and living in America. So many would say is it really worth it? Those that cross the border illegally would say yes. Mexicans who can speak basic English can triple their income. They want their children to get ahead, and not themselves. Their family cultures shifts and becomes different from that in Mexico. Both parents will work and teenagers will work as well. While in Mexico only the father usually works. They have a traditional family structure and culture. The father usually goes ahead of the family. There is a distance from the father and his children for years. This distance doesn't change when they are all in America. The mother becomes the head of household with the absences of the father. Family culture and structure can change. This reminds me of people in abusive homes. There is hope because you can change it.
Nothing is definite. Family can be exactly the way you want it. It may require time and effort. Whether it is getting out of that abusive relationship, making family dinner a priority, better disciplining of children, or having better communication.
Monday, May 9, 2016
Family Theories
Family is crucial to society. There is proven research to how a family should be set up with a mother and a father and children. Some people have this exact structure and yet there is discord in the family. There are a few theories that I want to talk about. The first is conflict theory. This is seen so frequently in society. The conflict theory is the theory that their is a power struggle between two individuals over limited resources. It is a competition. I see this in the way that a mother and father may compete as a parent. Women are wanting to be equal and in some cases superior to men. If women feel they are inferior to men there is a struggle between the two. There needs to be a balance and cooperation as parents. Each is important and is needed. This brings me to another theory called systems theory. The family unit is a system. Each individual in that system is important and plays a part. The idea of system theory is less about individuals but more of the family collectively.
Another theory that I have become familiar with is the exchange theory. This theory considers the cost of a relationship and the benefits of it. When consider, the people in the relationship only stay when the benefits out way the costs. I don't believe people should look at their relationships like this. I believe too often people in society do. When a person becomes too hard to handle or their needs aren't being met, they just leave. Love is supposed to be unconditional and unmeasurable. This places limits and conditions on your love. I am certain that even in the best individuals the idea of unconditional is impossible. Though it may not be plausible shouldn't it be strived for. If you look at your relationship in terms of give and take, how long will your relationship last? Our society is so focused on the self. This theory is selfish because you in time don't worry as much about what you give but what you are not receiving. Love isn't about receiving but giving oneself to another person.
Another theory that I have become familiar with is the exchange theory. This theory considers the cost of a relationship and the benefits of it. When consider, the people in the relationship only stay when the benefits out way the costs. I don't believe people should look at their relationships like this. I believe too often people in society do. When a person becomes too hard to handle or their needs aren't being met, they just leave. Love is supposed to be unconditional and unmeasurable. This places limits and conditions on your love. I am certain that even in the best individuals the idea of unconditional is impossible. Though it may not be plausible shouldn't it be strived for. If you look at your relationship in terms of give and take, how long will your relationship last? Our society is so focused on the self. This theory is selfish because you in time don't worry as much about what you give but what you are not receiving. Love isn't about receiving but giving oneself to another person.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Societies Trends Concerning Marriage and Family
Societal trends are having a negative effect with concerns to the traditional family. Some people would say these new trends have no harmful effects on society. People should be allowed to make choices on what they feel is best. There is some truth to this but people misunderstand that these choices will affect society as a whole. Studies show that the best environment for a child is the intact married heterosexual couple. The link below will take you to some statistics.
Family structure studies and outcomes
Our culture is getting away from traditional marriage and many aren't even getting married. One fourth of the households in US 2010 census were single homes. There is strong increase in people cohabitating so they can "test"out there relationship before they get married. There were 6.8 million households in the 2010 census who fit this category. This academic journal of marriage and family previews some of the research that has been. Consequences of Cohabitation The results show there is more negative or neutral outcomes then postive for those who chose this lifestyle.
There is also a society trend of people having less children and not having enough people to keep the population stable. We will grow for a few more years but countries all over the world will see decreased populations. This will effect our economy. This two part series will explain how this will effect our economy. Effects of fertility rates. Women are having less children. The fertility rate is right around 2.13 children per woman. The video explains that humans provide knowlege and skills that our needed in our economy. Each person matters. The less children brought into this world means that their will be less minds to provide answers to the problems we face.
There are many trends in the world today concerning family that should cause concern. People say I am going to live how I feel I want to live. Yes there is some truth to that. We all should definitely make our own choice but those choices need to be made well aware of the consequences that will have. Your choices always affect people in the long run. Please be informed and support traditional families.
Family structure studies and outcomes
Our culture is getting away from traditional marriage and many aren't even getting married. One fourth of the households in US 2010 census were single homes. There is strong increase in people cohabitating so they can "test"out there relationship before they get married. There were 6.8 million households in the 2010 census who fit this category. This academic journal of marriage and family previews some of the research that has been. Consequences of Cohabitation The results show there is more negative or neutral outcomes then postive for those who chose this lifestyle.
There is also a society trend of people having less children and not having enough people to keep the population stable. We will grow for a few more years but countries all over the world will see decreased populations. This will effect our economy. This two part series will explain how this will effect our economy. Effects of fertility rates. Women are having less children. The fertility rate is right around 2.13 children per woman. The video explains that humans provide knowlege and skills that our needed in our economy. Each person matters. The less children brought into this world means that their will be less minds to provide answers to the problems we face.
There are many trends in the world today concerning family that should cause concern. People say I am going to live how I feel I want to live. Yes there is some truth to that. We all should definitely make our own choice but those choices need to be made well aware of the consequences that will have. Your choices always affect people in the long run. Please be informed and support traditional families.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)